life

is crazy. that is all i have to say. tomorrow night heading to glasgow be back on friday. :D expect photographs.

good and the bad

lmao. I haven't written in here for a few days which is bad. i should be writing more. :)

So, Monday I am going to glasgow to see Libbi and Vicki. I am thrilled! :) I miss them. I haven't seen them since Shannon was married. how long ago was that? 2 years? oh dude, i don't know even know. how bad is that. I am great sister, not. I come back thursday night and arrive back in London at 8am or something once I get dropped off at the bus station then going to get my film and see if it is a disaster. Then it would be only 5 days until my mom comes here and virgie. omg, i am thrilled. so happy! going exploring them. I hope I don't get us lost. lol. :)

Then after that I am going to Northumberland then helping Ian then Ireland then back to school. omg, this is so amazing. I am going to die. Then after that i just have a week to get thing done. then finals. then freedom. feedback on may 27/28 then nfg concert. then packing to go home. oh shit. i will be home. i am definitely going to come back to england to visit everyone. i met some really great people like Kaz, Ian and Emma, Charlie and other level one kids. Some level two kids too. But i am ready to go home and finish my freaking degrees!!! Then going for my master, maybe in England or maybe on the east coast, or just in San Francisco. Whoever will take me. lol. Then Ph.D lmao. yeah right like I could really get a PhD. in Art History. that would be amazing. :)

So I got three rolls developed of my 120mm film in color, i am just scared how they turned out because i guess the exposure because it was dark and i didn't have a light meter. so i think i over exposed them so maybe they will turn out cool!! I need to get at least three good ones to scan and then printed out. 36 inches by 36 inches. should be good. 3 feet. oh dear. i wonder how much it is going to cost me. lmao.

I have finished my essay, just have to re read it, the presentation is halfway done, i have to write a 500 word essay and then i have to answer the questions for my final and i will be complete with all my school work for the rest of the semester. wowie. i can't believe it. I am actually surviving this year abroad. i didn't think i could take it but i am. wow.

crazy crazy.

It is Wednesday

and I'm still on my high from Monday which is amazing. I am so thrilled about everything that is happening except spending all my money on my film. yup, about to run out of money soon, I am so thankful that my mom is going to help me out. :) She is amazing. 14 days until she comes and visits me. AHHH! I can't wait.

I will be home in 73 days! WOWIE! This is bloody insane. I'll be leaving here for good until I find out a way to get money. lol. I think I am going to keep my oyster card if i ever decide to come back to London. lol. :D I think I would come back to visit the people I got to know here. They made this experience amazing. I know I had a lot of rough times that happened and things have changed but I think it has really helped me. Now, I get in your face. just kidding. lol.

Tomorrow, i'm going back to London pick up my film and drop off more film from tonight I hope. We just keep on going and going. I finish my essay and now I have to get the bibliography done and the illustration list. YAY! Then that is completed. Then onto the essay for Enterprise and Employability and presentation. After that writing up the answers for my final assessment! :) YAY! then finished with school. not really. I have to get three photographs ready for the end. Three large scale photographs!

Anywho, I am going to work on the bibliography. take care all. miss you all.

love,
marianna

today

must have been one of my best days here. omg, i can't believe. i feel good. i feel like i conquer things now. I booked my trip to Ireland with Tina. I got a good review in my tutorial. I almost cried because she loved my work. She asked if I was going to continue working in film and with night photography. I was like YES! then she was like are you going for your master and i was like yes I am but I don't know where though. She told me i should go for my master. She was really amazed by the photographs. I was so shocked. it really helped my confidence. wowie.

tomorrow. london, to get some film developed and to get color 120 film. :D Mr. Darcy and I going to have a lovely week. Cambridge on Friday. Next Monday night I'm heading ot Glasglow so now updates. Then my mom will be here. :D hd;ha;dga;gadkjf;alk! super excited.

love,
Marianna

new camera :)

YAY! Medium Format!!! Going to test this baby out on Tuesday night. :D

so i found

the camera i want to purchase but it cost too much money. :(

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290412988730&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT

what to do...

it will produce the negative size i need to blow them up to have clean sharp images. argh. annoying.

Well

I'm missing my grandpa's funeral right now. this really sucks. :(

not enjoying

I am not enjoying taking photographs anymore. I'm annoyed with everything I have been producing lately. ALL OF IT IS SHIT. HORRIBLE SHIT. I am just blah. Diana photographs, shit, Holga photographs, shit, digital photographs, shit. grr. Everything is bloody bad or not in focus or pixels. ARGH. WHY CAN'T A FIND A PLACE THAT HAS GOOD QUALITY WITH SCANNING NEGATIVES AND MAKING DIGITAL IMAGES. argh. I miss my old places i went too. I miss my scanner and printer at home. I miss a lot of things. This is not what I want to be producing. Why can't i get it right? Should i still do photography or give it all up and stick with art history? This is just a shitty day. real shitty. The prints cost 60 pounds which is like around 100 dollars. argh. argh. argh. Just shoot me. I need to put the aperture to 22 or higher and let it go. I need a cable release. I need why?!?!?! seriously. i want to punch something right now.

I'm sick of everything. I need my mom to come sooner than later. I wish it was April 7th. or At least March 30th so I can see Libbi and Vicki. Some familiar faces. I'm sick of it here. :(

Might be giving up. :(

Jane Austen

makes me smile. :D Watching Pride and Prejudice. :)

feeling better

feeling better today. heading to bed soon. Gotta wake up early for lecture tomorrow. Not really thrilled about it.

- Jane Austen, Persuasion, Ch. 23 -

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant."

no more grandparents

omg, i have no living grandparents anymore. how could this be. i know this is life but dude. since i started at SJSU i lost all my grandparents. a generation gone. My grandpa didn't even get to meet Connor while he was alive. omg, how is this working. i'm away from my mom when she needs me, i can't get a flight home because I know she wants me to stay here and experience this but seriously how can this happen. Everything bad has happened since i left. Why did I even study abroad this year? I am not there. The hardest part of this whole studying here is not being there for those who I love to death. It is worse thing in the world. Not having the power to be there and physically being there. It is like daggers to the heart. being 5,000 miles away really sucks. I'm alone here. FUCK. dude. this really blows chunks.

.....

they never saw the person i have become and who i might become. My grandma never got to see me actually achieve my goal of traveling around Europe, my grandpa won't be able to see anymore photographs I have taken from these county and near would his girlfriend. it is depressing.

fuck, i'm so fucking lame right now. i just need to stop thinking.

love,
marianna.

Blog from Berlin!

Here are the journal writings I did in Berlin:

Saturday Night March 6th:

Okay hostels are a scary thing. They lied about how their place is. Lmao. We are in mixed room with guys. Yes three British guys and I totally called it too. They seem nice and are leaving early in the morning which is a plus. I wonder if there is going to be another bunch of people comm g in. No more guys. Germany wasn't what I expected. Ended up in the ghetto like Tina and I always do. This is like a first for both of us here. It is an amazing city but I am terrified about it at nigt. The shady ass people come out. I am very thankful for Tina. I am going to buy her a beer and a sausage tomorrow. Lol.

The bar is creepy. I am not a person who drinks or anything so that was totally different. I am out of my element rift now. It is creeping me out. I don't know why but I am not scared with thes guys in the room. Maybe because they are twigs and I could probably beat them up. I know I am so werid but different seaniros play in my mind. I am not tired even though I should be dead on the ground right now. Oh yeah by the way I am sleeping on the top bunk of the bed. I am growing up. I feel like a fat ass because the bed creeks when you move but it creeks with everyone.

Oh yeah I predicted the people who were staying in here where British becuase of the coffee cups and bottle of water eerywhere. Lol also there was cigarettes on the window seal. Lol. I am learning to find clues to see who people are. Interesting. Lol. I could do a book on that. Stereotyping people but objects. I wonder if I would get beat up for doing that. Lmao. Pondering that notion right now.

We had a interesting time walking around the whole city. Amazing. But we saw a lot of places. I swear that I was going to take more photgraohs but I didn't. Kinda of depressing but I am going to go all out tomorrow when we hit up the museums and churches. Insane. I want to find the wall and take a photo there. :D we might be heading back to England on Monday because I think we are going to finish seeing everything soon which is amazing. We are crazy walking machines here dude. Tina and I do easily ten miles a day or more. Venice we did about 14 miles almost 15 in one day. Crazy crazy.

I am really scared about the shower thing tomorrow. Argh. Period and shower in a community shower of course what else would it be. a nice shower with soap and lovely stuff. I hope I don't have to take a shower. Lmao. Not take a shower until Tuesday or Monday when we leave.

Well I guess I shloud sleep now. The boys are getting up around six or earlier. Lovely.

Good night.
Love Marianna

---------------

Sunday March 7th:

Today is day two in Berlin. No shower today which fucking sucks ass. Sorry for my language but dude seriously. I need to shower. I am on my friend and not feeling clean already come onan. Rushed out of the hostel and ate the shitty breakfast. Oh yeah I didn't even brush my teeth today. I wonder how bad my breathe is right now.
tina was all likeets take the ten thirty walking tour and stuff by the way we didn't get out of bed until fifteen past nine. So rushing and changing clothes is not a fun thing in a room with a girl you don't know sleeping. Horrible. Guess what I was snoring too crap. So embarrassing. I am going to die tonight. I bet people were making fun of me because I would too. Oh dear.

We gt downstairs, no shower no brushing my teeth, and throwing on clothes. We eat the shitty breakfast. Cheese and bread with a hard boiled egg. Then drunk some crappy wate and headed off for the lovely day.

We didn't end up taking the walking tour because of tina's hip and we got a city tour bus which was on and off free jumping thingy which cost about fifteen euros each not bad.

Got to see check point Charlie. It was interesting place.

City tour around

Humbolt uni
Plaza
Shopping
And other stuff

Tina is sick which blows. Sleeping early and waking up early. Take care land of nothing right now.

-------

Monday March 8th:

Bathroom in middle of the night. Weird. Making too much noise. Wanting a nice shower at the current moment and I think Tina is really getting sick dude. She looks like she is going to throw up. Not cool at all. :(

Breakfast time

---More to come when I type up the other one because I wrote it in my book---

getting tired

so, i am slowly getting tired right now. I am ready to take a long nap soon before I have to finish getting ready for Berlin. I can't believe i am going. I can't believe it. My passport is getting its third stamp from another country!!! SUPER EXCITED! This is insane that i am traveling around so much. I need to get some german words but Tina has taken German for 6 years so hopefully she can help me out dude. lol. :) It is going to be amazing. I just can't wait. oh man oh man. BERLIN! :D


Well, I think i am actually going to take a quick nap in like 10 minutes. :D

Saturday = Berlin

So i won't be writing in here for awhile. I"ll be in Germany. I will keep a log on my ipod about the events or on a piece of paper!!! :D I miss you all!!!

here is a snapshot from my mini diana.


:D

more to come later.

Love,
marianna

flying by

the days are flying by and everything is getting smashed together. i thought i was went london earlier in the week but it was yesterday. i am so confused. I am doing so much and I think I need a break soon. lol. Berlin is going to be awesome. so much to see and to take photographs of. I am getting a mini tripod tomorrow. it should be sweeet! i am scared about getting my photographs tomorrow. :( I think my film is goign to suck. but it is okay.

I am getting tired. so i'm signing off and heading to bed. waking up early in the morning like always. tomorrow is lots of shopping and getting things ready. I need to see if can get enlargements tomorrow. argh.

Love,
Marianna

feelin' good..

i am so thankful for my tutor. i wrote her email about going to germany and doing night photography with film and send her a link to the stuff online. she wrote this back:

Hey, way to go, well done.
Linda

Made my day! :D I got lots of film from the lomography store, they are super cool there. i guess there is a huge one in LA! I wish I lived in LA! lmao. :D I can't wait for this weekend. lots of photographs!

Love,
marianna

Germany!

Germany Saturday to Tuesday!!! I am super excited! I am going to take my mini diana and film camera! It should be awesome!!! :D Plus my little digital camera! I hope it all fits in my backpack.