omg, i have no living grandparents anymore. how could this be. i know this is life but dude. since i started at SJSU i lost all my grandparents. a generation gone. My grandpa didn't even get to meet Connor while he was alive. omg, how is this working. i'm away from my mom when she needs me, i can't get a flight home because I know she wants me to stay here and experience this but seriously how can this happen. Everything bad has happened since i left. Why did I even study abroad this year? I am not there. The hardest part of this whole studying here is not being there for those who I love to death. It is worse thing in the world. Not having the power to be there and physically being there. It is like daggers to the heart. being 5,000 miles away really sucks. I'm alone here. FUCK. dude. this really blows chunks.
.....
they never saw the person i have become and who i might become. My grandma never got to see me actually achieve my goal of traveling around Europe, my grandpa won't be able to see anymore photographs I have taken from these county and near would his girlfriend. it is depressing.
fuck, i'm so fucking lame right now. i just need to stop thinking.
love,
marianna.
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