slept in till noon

yes, i did, oh, i did. i slept in till noon and it was beautiful! i loved it. I got the sleep i needed. This week is going to be crazy too. Tuesday London, Wednesday working with Ian and Emma, and Thursday hopefully heading to Germany. CRAZY! :D


this is me being crazy.

stayed in my room all day. in my nice comfy pjs. so lovely so lovely.

:D

Love,
Marianna

interesting

so, today was an interesting day. Accomplished a lot of things and also didn't do a lot of things. Tomorrow should be interesting. Art Talk. I am going to have to go. i haven't gone for the last two. They are horrible and painful.

Anywho, take care everyone. I am going to wait for shannon's phone call then sleeep!

Love,
Marianna

Oh London, you are so beautiful.

So, today was rainy but we still went to London. Guess what? London was beautiful, oh course! :D We got lost looking for Photographers' Gallery which I might saw was kinda of disappointing. I thought there was going to be more photographs and level. It is tiny. The bookstore had all the lovely cameras that I wanted such as Blackbird, Fly, mini Diana, the 3D holga, and all the flashes and filters!!! I didn't go crazy, thank you. I got the mini Diana though. It is the Best and cutest thing ever!! I can't wait to take photographs tomorrow around Hatfield in the town center tomorrow. :D

So between going to the Photographers' Gallery and the National Portrait Gallery, Tina decided to take photographs of couple, those cute ones around all the touristy areas. So, she used my digital canon powershot because she forgot to put a card in her camera. so we walked around there doing that. I got some shots of them as well later on in the day. They were so cuuute! Tina got the Blackbird,Fly and used it. We are going to get the film developed tomorrow. it should be good. :) Here is a photograph that i took:


Aren't they so cute. I hope they don't facebook this and see this or on blogspot. lmao.

Once we were done the galleries and eating, pizza hut (it was good going down but my stomach got upset, blah, no more of that stuff). We walked to Chinatown, and i took this...

I can't believe i got it!!! I was so thankful!

Gots lots of books and magazine. All full of wonderful photographs and articles. Going to finish reading them tomorrow and work on my essay. blah. I did start my presentation for my enterprise and employability which i am thankful for. So now i don't have to that much work later on. Just keep updating it as time goes by.

Well, it is time to chat with Nes for a bit then sleep. :) Tomorrow should be an interesting day.

Love,
Marianna

Good and the Bad

The story of my life for the next couple of months. I had a really good with Ian and Emma. I helped with their database, then with facebook, linkedin, blog, and some other random stuff. Oh yeah, labeling CDs. I learned a lot about the business aspect of it. The whole networking, and organization. Can't wait to help them again.

So, the bad news, my grandpa has only two weeks to live. He has heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure, and all the nasty stuff. :( Depressing. I hope everyone will be okay. :( Wish I could just fly home and stuff to see mom but i know she wouldn't want me too unless she asked.

Now, I'm just in my room listening to music and trying to read for my essay. I just can't get the right groove for reading. lol.

Time to get dedicated to this. :D

Love,
marianna

ever so sweet....

"ever so sweet...
you make this seem
the way things go
its not my fault
and i'll miss
i'll miss you so good
through all of those nights
we lost our way back home

ever so sweet
you baked it in cakes for me
were you left behind
it hurts my teeth
bringing the past
with the postcard you sent for me
every line
it brings me right back down"
-the early november

Today was interesting. I woke up to it snowing and it was cold enough for it to stay on the ground. I was so not thrilled to go out there in there. i was feeling sick this morning and i didn't appreciate it. I'm feeling better but still kinda of sick. blah.

Tonight, I went to the lecture about "If God really is there - why on earth doesn't he just prove it?"It was really interesting. Different aspect be said a different way. I loved how the guy said Christian. I am going to say it to everyone. Christ-chi-an. lol. i hope i hope it looks like how you guys are trying to say it. :) We watched a little video about about how god/jesus changed people. So one side of the sigh would say what they were and the other would say what they are now. It was really touching. I almost cried. Just everything going on and knowing the relief once i pray every night and during the day when I am struggling. Dude, I struggle. It is like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. God is truly amazing. I know I am not really extreme religious person. I want to be know more but He is helping me. Letting me get into contact with my family and helping me get the courage to do half of the stuff I am doing. I think the girl I went with didn't think I was a Christian or anything. She was like if you want to go any of the other lecture you can. funny.

I was so happy i got to talk to Laura yesterday. It was really nice, I haven't talked to her forever and ever. I really missed her terribly. I miss our nightly phone calls and random phone calls during the day. I know it won't change that much when she gets married i hope :)

I can't wait for June. I know I sound bad about saying it but dude, you can get pushed to your limits and it is working well. I am like dying part of the time trying to get out of the town but I don't have a travel buddy like last semester. Where every weekend was full of something like London, School Trips, or movies, or exploring some place random. I need to do that again. Maybe this weekend I will try to go to Leeds Castle or something. I hope next week I can go to Germany for four days. Only 70 pounds. :I I really excited if I get to go. Then Scotland to see Libbi. Then Mom and VIRGIE!!! AHHH! I can't wait for that. Then about three weeks after that I get to see my dad! then after that HOME! Three weeks after that. home back to California for a good while. :) Then I would love to travel again. To Canada, and Mexico, and Hawaii again. I miss Hawaii. :D YAY!

OKay, I am going to go and read for a bit because It is getting late. I miss you all.

Love,
Marianna

P.S. Email me if you want my state number to call my skype! it is 408 number so it isn't international call!

The List of Food...

:D

My list of food when i come back:
Ice Cream Cake
Pho
Mexican Food
Bacon
In N Out
Papa John
Pasta Salad
Denny's
Daphne's
Chiptole
Baja Fresh
See's Candy
Jade's Garden
Tacos
Enchiladas
Chili
Jack in the Box
Chicken BBQ
Lumpa
Spaghetti and meatballs
Cheesy Garlic Bread
Chili Dogs with Cheese
Potstickers
Cheesecake Factory
Bubble Drinks
Crispy Chicken
Togo's
Stephie's Chicken Sandwich

man

I look like President Obama when I am in my C&CS class....


"President Barack Obama leans backward as Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel speaks during a National Economic Council and Domestic Policy Council planning meeting in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, Feb. 11, 2010. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House."


WHAT THE HECK I AM GOING TO DO!?!?! lmao. Yeah, I am awake and it is 9:37am. My two loads or wash are in the washer right now! :) Only person awake. Everything is silent right now bu I am starting to hear some noises. I am waiting to get tickets for NFG concert in May! :D It should be amazing. Plus it is on my campus. i just have to walk or take the shuttle over there! I just need my key to my room, money, and camera. lol. No purse with everything in it. I am LLIKE WOOOOO HOOO! :D Plus no one will really be here because the last day of school is May 28th! ahhh! I am going to rush NFG and give them all hugs. lol.

there was a long break before i came back to this entry. lol. I finished my wash, cleaned my bathroom and room, organized things and everything seems to be in the right order. :) It feels good. Every weekend it is like a major clean to make things look right. Now it is time to start the real day and get cracking on my essay. Might walk over to College Lane LRC to get some of the work done. boo. But it will help. All the art books and stuff are in there. It sucks I am on the business campus but who cares. lmao.

Off to start the day. The beautiful sun is out which means PHOTOGRAPHS LATER! I will put my photographs from film on my flash drive and upload them to facebook in the LRC. :) Unless I can try it here again. hmmm. i am going tooo! okay byeeee!

Love,
Marianna

not giving up

I am not giving up. Yet again disappointed at people but I guess it is life and I need to figure out a way not to feel as bad. I hate the feeling of utter disappointment. I am getting sick of it.

I am too far to help anyone back. I am trying to keep occupied and not think about what is happening back in California but it is always there. There is a heavy weight on my shoulders and heart. It is just slowly breaking. I am finding that school is becoming my worst enemy here. I am in a need to get out of here and travel and get some fresh air and be away from people.

I just need a break but it don't happen like always. I will find something else I have to get done. So horrible. I still have to email my tutor about my essay to make sure that I am going to be doing it right. I have a critique in two weeks. I am going to be helping Ian on next tuesday. I am trying to get photographs done. I am trying to figure out what the heck i am trying to get out this course. I need to find my voice but everywhere I look it is gone. I need to find a way to convey these thoughts to my tutors to know that I am actually thinking critically about my work and I am not a loser from California. I feel like that half the time. Yeah, my confidence hasn't grown at all. It is getting smaller and smaller as I take each new photograph. It isn't an extension of me but something I dear to hide from. The joy that once was there is slowly fading away and it is really depressing. I never knew how bloody emotional i am but i am and i hate it. I am not going to lose it over here. I am going to try to get into the right groove and finish this semester off with a higher grade than last semester. I need to succeed.

I am not giving up. I am going to crash this with my ability to succeed in my photography. To excel in my essay writing and research. To tell people what I think about your work. I have to be open to expressing my emotions and feelings to people and tell them to shut up. lmao. Yeah, I need to be rude and crude half the time. Don't worry I am changing but I think for the better. This experience is really showing me that I want to help people in what they do in photography rather than crash every little hope and feelings towards art. I want to help criticize their work but also give them the ADVICE AND HELP that they deserve, not just saying oh this can work and telling you want to do. Oh yeah, "find your voice, make it magical, unique". great way to be vague don't you think. It kill hurts me. but whatever. This is making me stronger and I am going to fight it and be confident in my work. The color and temperatures in the work see how magical yet scary England is. I could have done this at home which I am going to this summer. So you guys better get ready for late nights with after I get adjusted to the time change. lmao.

I think i vented enough for one day. I could keep on writing and exploding a bunch of crap on here. But I won't. I need to toughen up.

Hope you all have a great day.

Love,
Marianna

Disappointed

I have been disappointed in a lot of things lately. It really blows. I am starting to hate it but I am trying to be cheery all the time. Kinda of sucking the life out of me. I am trying not to think that i am not there with my mom and helping her out, that my grandpa is dying slowly in the hospital, that my best friend stephie is having a having a hard time, and things are just moving too slow and out of control.

I just want everything to sort itself out. I am just getting tired and I am not sleeping well even though I get my eight hours or more. I have giant bags under my eyes and I look creepy. Yes, i do. It is really d

i don't know what to do

i really don't know what to do. this blows. :(

school=pain

i can't believe i want this semester to end already. i have so much but i am stuck to where to start. AHHH! i have presentation monday, march 5 critique, then middle of march midterm, then april spring break and essay dude, then presentation for employablitiy, and final. argh.

time to go and read some more.

R.I.P. BJ

You will be missed BJ. I will always remember the cakes you used to make when I came to visit you and letting me hang out with you. Sorry I never came back down to visit you. Sorry :(

Now, my mom has the task of telling my grandpa, who has Congestive Heart Failure and pneumonia right now, that his girlfriend/significant other for the last 10 years or more has died. They are going to have sedatives ready when they tell him. My heart is breaking about this. I am trying not to think about any of this but it is so hard. I feel so terrible that I am not there for my mom right now. I am over 5,000 miles away. I just hope my sisters will help her out. They are having her funeral on Friday. :( I am so sad. I just hope my grandpa is strong enough to survive hearing this. Ahh.

So not a good day today. :(

want this to be my new home...

the moat path at windsor which you can't go through. had to look over a stone wall. lmao. :) I really wish I could stay there for a whole night and just walk around. spent over 4 hours there today. :) Really amazing.

killer

presentation = horrible. hanna and i presenting in front of like 60 people. not good. product got thrown apart. all questions were directed to me. i wanted to die. someone laughed and i glared at her and she shut up. lmao. only one laughing. i hope someone slapped her. killer look will win. lmao.

Got two books and three movies. lol. :)

I love this image: Goodbye by Anita Mejia


I love her.

okay, time to read. byeee

Since Valentine's day is Sunday...

I decided I should post this up:
"'...Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?'
Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."
..."At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."
"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting.""
— Cassandra Clare (City of Bones)

LMAO! I love Cassandra Clare. Amazing author! :)

slap me

i am going to get out of this funk. i blame school right now. reading and reading sucks. i am sick of it. i am sick of baby chairs. i hope i don't have to see one for a long time. so annoying. ahhh.

i am missing SAP Open right now. No Andy Roddick this year. lmao. But Windsor Castle saturday. My only refuge right now.

Gotta go back to reading. copyright. boo. patent. boo.

so tired of this week already

Let me tell you about group work here. it consist of Hanna and I doing most of the work it feels like. ahhh. i am just tired of this already. i just want it to be friday so i can sleep. i want to sleep forever and ever. i am typing this with my eyes closed right now and i wnat to see how much i mess up. i didn't mess up badly. i can't handle this stuff anymore. i want to go to ireland and relax for a week .just sitting on a porch somewhere and looking at the landscape and taking photographs. can this happen soon? i sweari should just go there in may and forget about hte feedback. who cares about germany and france. i will go later on abut ireland sun beach and irish accent will help me through this. lmao.

can i just fade away into the sunset and forget about this world and money and just live off of my photographs and how much they can sell for? i would really appericate it. no more school no more stupid people who think resrach is a hard thing to do and ahgha;gkaka! i am just so over this week right now. i want it to end.

they dont' have the sense of reality of what the world is really like here. They don't understand how things like this can make or break you. they just get little concepts. I guess i don't get the huge concepts in art but at least i know i can survive in the art business because i know how to do things. thank god, for working for hte bank and having mom to help me out. seriously . they freak out about the stupidest hting. omg, reading for a class, it is unheard of. AHHH. This is when I miss amaerica. I want my classes and structure. I miss my Art History teachers and Photography teachers. You never know what you had until you lose it and it is freaking true over here. I am just like freaking out about everything right now.

I have no idea if anything made sense in the entry but i am listneing to music and writing without really look ing on the computer screen and like the words flow from the mind an onto the jounrla. i mam trying to relax and not have to deal with this anymore. If it is out of my head then i won't have to deal with it. I am just blah.

I am so thankful jean was online while typing this. i was chatting with her.

Great now my hard drive is almost full!!! ;( I gotta find a place to get an external hard drive for my mac. Maybe i gotta go to the mac store this weekend or next week. :(

okay, i gotta clean out my hard drive really fast to see if i can delete anyhting. boo.

so venice

It was completely amazing.

i have a list of things i want to write about it but it seems like I never have time. I might have time later this week. This enterprise week is going to take up most of my day. We are at school from 10am to 5pm!everyday. what the fuck. i can't believe it. I just want to work on my night photography and not deal with this but nope. can't get my wish done. booo.

Everything is good. Just sleepy and tired from everything that has been happening. I am going to Windsor castle on Saturday. so fun. I am so happy.

Well, I am going to get going. I need to edit photographs.

Love,
Marianna

Venice

Gonna be in Venice until Sunday Morning!!! :D Will update everyone then!

found out...

some stuff about my photography today.

New Things:
- Light
- Contrast between Warm Colors and Bleak Feeling
- Film Noir
- Psychological/Seductive

LMAO. yeah that is the feelings you get and my somewhat analysis with a tutor...

My Motifs/What i do:
- Line?
- Light
- Urban/Buildings
- Dark/Creepy
- Solitude

yeah. so fun. lmao.

Tomorrow is getting a dress, uploading photographs, taking photographs of someone then packing for italy. :D

Oh dear.

Time to watch some more of transformers then sleep.


Love,
Marianna

yet again

another tutorial. ahhh! Two this week, class, and critique. what else can they throw at me?!?!!

OH yeah, I am writing an essay on Light. It is my obsession. funny really but it is. okay. yeah. Also, doing research on it. Looking a articles in psychology about how light affects emotions and all that lovely stuff. Case studies too. :) sweeet.

Everyone check out Uta Kogelsberger she is amazing photographer! I love her work. I checked out her book from the library and going to read it tomorrow and writes lots of notes about it.

Now, time to watch a movie and relax.

Love you all and miss you tons.

Love,
Marianna

ahhhh!

I MISS SARA!!!! :(((((((

crazy dreams

i had some crazy dreams last night totally freaked me.

Transformers Rise of the Fallen is AMAZING. Might watch it again today before it expires. I want the movie. LOL.

So my dream:
I was dreaming that I was sleeping. I woke up and I was at home sleeping with the dogs. I was like WTF. I can't be here, I need to be in England and thinking I must be dreaming. Then I woke up again and I was on the couch in den with sara, felt weird again then I woke up again where I was at Santa Paula house and in my parent's room and my dad was there. so weird. then I was like I should be in England then I woke up again and I was in Bahamas going into a hotel with Dad and Pat. Then I kept trying to wake up and going different places. It literally had to wake myself up. It was freaking me out. Keep feel like I am waking up but in different places and times. SO WEIRD!

Yeah. not enjoying it.

Going to start doing photographs like this... maybe...



let me know what you think. time to go back reading magazines about photography then picking up my package then back for my tutorial. lol.